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kayinsf
Member since 24-Dec-02
478 posts		 12-Jun-03, 06:34 PM (PST)
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"Honesty with friends/family"
 
LAST EDITED ON 16-Jun-03 AT 03:08 PM (PST) by (moderator)
 
Hi there, I am so happy about this new forum!

I am wondering how you girls handle telling friends/family what you do for a living? This is possibly becomming a bit of a problem for me. I am lucky and can be honest with the majority of my friends, but not my family. I am making new friends and have a potential love interest but I fear how they may react (especially the man I'm after). I absolutely hate lying and have gotten really good at ambiguity. I would love to hear your stories.

Thanks,

Kay

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SensualTouchNSac
Charter Member
 12-Jun-03, 11:26 PM (PST)
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1. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #0
 
   There is nothing easy about making the decision to tell friends and family. Most of my friends know or have a very good idea what I do, I don't want a friend who can't accept me for who I am. Family is a different story. My family is aware of my overactive sexuality and accept it as part of my character but they would in no way accept my profession. My family thinks I manage websites, all adult related. it covers the sexuality part and the internet part, it just isnt exactly the whole truth.
Come on girls, how do you handle this??? Have any of you told your family? What was the reaction and how accepting are they to it?

xoxo,
Maddie
"let go of my ears, I know what i'm doing"

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cyndirella
Member since 1-Feb-03
122 posts		 12-Jun-03, 11:38 PM (PST)
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2. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #1
 
   Mom knows-nanny knows-friends know. This occupation leads to many funny stories. You have to be able to talk to someone. It is better to laugh than to cry. It's a livin'

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Shree
Charter Member
1357 posts		 15-Jun-03, 07:30 AM (PST)
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3. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #2
 
   Same here.
All close family and nanny know, and were always proud of me NOT being on welfare or living off some poor smuck just because I want to stay home with my kids(I only work 2 days a week and home the rest of the time). I always joked and had a good time with my work when talking to friends and family. They did worry, just as they would about a LE job or a Military life. Risks are sometimes the same. I am a Shock type person and actually take great pride in telling what I do. My "Formal" life of being a Master seamstress is truely my forte. Tho right now I am busy with the wedding dresses.
Peace,
Shree

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Harvestmoon69
Charter Member
1071 posts		 15-Jun-03, 07:59 PM (PST)
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4. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #3
 
For me, I cut myself off from everyone but my child. I am unable to lie, so I just can not see them. They may not be a bad thing though, I choose my friends, my family was chosen for me..

When I go out people ask me to train them for 1/5 th of the price I can make doing this, sometimes I do because it goes to a deep need for them, and I have this thing about saving others, as sick as it is. My plan is to make the bucks and GOOOOOOOOOOOOO......so I can have a genuine life, which is a must for me.


HMoon

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Trinitylove
Member since 21-May-03
177 posts		 16-Jun-03, 04:40 PM (PST)
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6. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #3
 
Ok where did you guys get your nanny? That's the next step for me. I'm a dancer and my family has NO idea. They're the bible beating types and would just have 12 strokes if they new what I was doing! They think I'm a web developer for a company that has LOT'S of locations! I hate lying and have a hard time doing it. Not to mention the fact that I suck at it. My bf knows and is fine with it. Ex-hubby doesn't know though. He'll probably try to take me to court to say I'm a horrible mother or something. He's slimey like that. Anyway, I do need a nanny so if anyone could give me any good reccommendations on agencies or things along that line I would greatly appreciate it!

Be safe,

Trinity

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sashalove
Charter Member
2063 posts		 16-Jun-03, 07:38 AM (PST)
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5. "my entire family knows"
In response to message #1
 
LAST EDITED ON 16-Jun-03 AT 03:06 PM (PST) by (moderator)
 
my mother and my aunt and other members all know... we dont really discuss it, but my mother asks me if I have to "work" or I can mention little bits about a client and my aunt I can talk more openly about it.. and I am SURE they dont really approve, but they accept it and me, and love me no matter what, they see that I provide a good life for my son, and I am financially secure and getting where I need to for now, and know I have goals, so thats it, I have a very accepting family I suppose, all my friends know and guys I date I tell right off the bat to not waste their time nor mine, I dont think it is fair to date a guy for X amount of months and then he falls for you and then you slap " by the way I am a escort " I just cant do that... if you all knew me in person you would know if I try to lie to anyone i stutter and get nervous and hahah its really obvious ask my BF mandi hahah she can see right through me... its funny.. so I just tell the truth


Sasha

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olivia2
Charter Member
 15-Jun-04, 08:33 PM (PST)
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15. "RE: my entire family knows"
In response to message #5
 
   Dear Sasha,

Like you, I'm a bad liar. Maybe it's a redhead thing, our pale complexion shows our emotions through our skin?! Anyway, I know what you mean about being sort of unable to tell a lie properly.

What did you mean by "I can mention little bits about a client" when talking to your aunt? Don't you try to keep everything about clients really really confidential? Or did you mean that you tell stories like "I had this client and he was so nice, he brought me chocolates"? Just curious. If you don't feel like answering me, that's fine too.

I'm not a provider but I do have a domme side which comes out sometimes, and I play with a male sub on the West Coast, which is what brought me to RB. So there is some deception and lying in my daily life because that's not something I share with my friends and family.

take care...
Ms. Olivia

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datys_lil_princess
Member since 22-Aug-05
976 posts		 13-Sep-04, 12:59 PM (PST)
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21. "RE: my entire family knows"
In response to message #5
 
"I dont think it is fair to date a guy for X amount of months and then he falls for you and then you slap " by the way I am a escort " I just cant do that... "

I have to agree with you honey - that is the worse thing you can do in this line of work is to deceive someone about your past, present and future...


Kisses,
Molly

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datys_lil_princess
Member since 22-Aug-05
976 posts		 13-Sep-04, 12:55 PM (PST)
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20. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #1
 
I have told each person close to me, my mother has always known as I started into this "life" at an early age. Honestly I am sure my mother doesn't like it, but I have NO pimp, am not on drugs, I am clean, and still alive.....I think she is happy for those things. Aside from that I have made something of myself using the $ I have made from this "life" in the last couple of years (made some not so great choices prior to that) and I intend to leave it with something other than good/bad memories...as there have been both and I know that I would rather have my family & friends know about this lifestyle choice I have made then to hear about it 3rd hand...that is just not right, same goes for relationships, sure maybe not ALL men will want to date me (as in a reg date..lol) but the one that does and that I love, I will be with...hey I will at least give him a chance..

So yeah, we all need someone to tell...and I feel it is a good thing to do - and if you for any reason have to fear for your safety or life...I think you owe it to your family & maybe some friends to be 100% honest - hell if they do not support you, they are the ones with the problem. And you always have us here at PB/RB. We will always accept you...

If anyone needs to talk..You can call on me...

I will always make time.


Kisses,
Molly

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wavering
Member since 11-Jun-03
115 posts		 16-Jun-03, 07:15 PM (PST)
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7. "I'd never tell"
In response to message #0
 
My family and friends never knew and they still don't. Not even my boyfriend knows. I don't work in the business anymore, but am thinking about going back in for a few months later this year. Need the money. I MIGHT tell my boyfriend this time around, but I know he'd probably dump me. And I wouldn't blame him.

It's not that I'm terribly ashamed, I would just rather not deal with the reaction. My family, my mother especially, would have me committed. As it is, she thinks every little thing I do--trips abroad, riding a motorcycle--is going to get me killed. But thankfully we live far apart and I have a business background that's easy to use as a cover if and when I go back to the biz. I don't lie, per se. I just hide it. I mean, nobody would ever think to ask sweet little me if I work as an escort.

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Sara
Charter Member
7921 posts		 16-Jun-03, 10:33 PM (PST)
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8. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #0
 
   Lie and deny till the day I die.

Some things are better left unsaid.

Sara

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KatScratchFever
Charter Member
666 posts		 15-Jun-04, 02:22 PM (PST)
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14. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #8
 
   Here here!

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caresse
Charter Member
483 posts		 26-Jun-03, 04:01 PM (PST)
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9. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #0
 
My husband, and close friends know. My family, which consists solely of my step father, does not - though he does know that I am doing massage. The only person I would really like to never know about it is him, I think he would be very disappointed.. but as Maddie said as well, he knows I'm very sexually active. I don't think he would be all that surprised.

Love and light,
Caresse

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clara_bat
Member since 8-Sep-02
748 posts		 04-Aug-03, 11:53 PM (PST)
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10. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #0
 
Friends, boyfriends, aquantences, pretty much anyone at all
gets to hear all about what I do for a living. If we don't bother to educate the general public that we're here and proud of it, we hand that power to the media. I somehow doubt the media would make mention of the higher confidence levels I see around St. James and this board, so I choose to show the people I meet the face of a sex worker. I can't just exist without effecting people. It is my goal in life to expand the minds and horizons of the people I meet and know.

However, as for my extremely devout Catholic parents... I tell them I a personal assistant for Sherilyn. Hey? Whatcha gonna do?


-Clara Rockmore
(415)602-2054

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sexyshayla1
Member since 30-Aug-03
569 posts		 25-Sep-03, 08:25 PM (PST)
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11. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #0
 
   Wasn't much of a prob. since i really believe in being proud of everything I do.
If its something Im going to be ashamed of I dont do it.Have been disowned by a few member of the family but not my hangup...
shayla

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SinfulSuzzi
Charter Member
3855 posts		 28-Oct-03, 03:36 PM (PST)
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12. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #0
 
   I am a very open person. Not only with this, but in all aspects of my life. This way, I have nothing to hide, and nobody can throw anything in my face later. We are all humans. Some are just better at hiding it. This can intimidate some, but it can and has attracted some of the most intelligent, creative, open-minded, loving, worthwhile people to ever walk the planet to me. I'd rather have a small group of those people around me than a big group of the ones that were intimidated openess, honesty, and reality.
I told my family a long time ago. There where a few tears at first, then much talking, then lots of curiousity. Now there's even some pride because im good at my little niche, as strange as some may think it is.

Attachments

http://www.mypinkbook.com/dcforum2/User_files/3f9efd397471a485.jpg

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kayinsf
Member since 24-Dec-02
478 posts		 13-Nov-03, 00:58 AM (PST)
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13. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #12
 
Wow!!!! Thank you for all of your honest feedback! I've learned that I tend to be ashamed of being in this industry when I shouldn't be (I've never thought it was bad before I became involved-guess it's guilt from my catholic upbringing perhaps). I am working towards changing my attitude to just be able to be upfront with people. Thank you sooooo much...all of my friends now know (and are totally ok with it, and I'm about to tell my siblings (who probably already have an idea). I hate lying and being soooo darned ambiguous (this is where my unbearable guilt lies), so Thanks!!!!! Honesty is so damned important!

Take care,

Kay (f-
kayinsf2002@yahoo.com

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pistolad23
Member since 9-Mar-04
151 posts		 16-Jun-04, 07:56 PM (PST)
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16. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #13
 
My mother would woop me silly, I have told my friends, and they have no problem with it. But telling the guy I am with will be harder, I also hate lying but once we become official and serious, I think I might retire for a while

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kayinsf
Member since 24-Dec-02
478 posts		 21-Jun-04, 09:25 PM (PST)
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17. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #16
 
Ah yes... dating while in the biz. The guy I was dating for over a year fairly recently told me he finally decided he isn't ok with what I do, so now we are just friends (and he left me broken hearted). I honestly thought he was the one. Second time I've been in love.

Now a dear friend (that doesn't know what I do), that I've dated on and off for ten years wants to start a very serious relationship with me. I adore this guy, but am pretty much convinced he'll freak out when I tell him the whole story. I've been so hesitant to start anything with him out of fear (hurting him, hurting myself). I have to tell him though.....it's only fair. Wish me luck with this one. Gosh....I really try to avoid relationships I swear!

I finally told my brother and sister recently, Luckily they are very supportive. I was so nervous to tell them, and it's such a relief!

Kay
kayinsf2002@yahoo.com

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wavering
Member since 11-Jun-03
115 posts		 25-Jun-04, 07:24 AM (PST)
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18. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #17
 
So did you tell him yet? Keep us posted.

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kayinsf
Member since 24-Dec-02
478 posts		 10-Aug-04, 11:24 PM (PST)
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19. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #18
 
An interesting thread from the gents in case you haven't noticed it....

http://forum.myredbook.com/dcforum2/general/33801.html

Well, my guy.....I've known him over 10 years. I know he knows my skeleton...he's made comments. My best friends who are his best friends know (I told them before I got into this industry). I keep telling him I have a dark secret to tell him....his response is "as long as it doesn't affect (or is it effect...I forget) our relationship I don't want to know unless you feel the need to tell me". S#@t!!!! So I haven't told him. I feel he has to know, yet I have 3 more years of school! I know he knows though so it's somewhat of a relief....but......we haven't talked about it. So far it's going great....he treats me too good.

Thanks for letting me vent,


Kay
kayinsf2002@yahoo.com

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TantraTanya
Member since 8-Nov-04
1 posts		 08-Nov-04, 10:49 PM (PST)
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22. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #19
 
Yes, I think this one is a very tough problem. A lot of it has to do with the finances-if you tell and you stay together and he doesn't want you to be in the industry-what to do to make that kind of money?

I have a similar problem where I met the man I am seeing after I became an escort. I spent the first 15 years of my adult life staying on the straight and narrow, really struggling with working in the arts. After I figured out there really was no one around who was going to care for me except myself I decided to take the plunge and
started dating. Well, he doesn't want me to "date" anymore and though he does help out with the finances, I miss that money and the thought I could really have a nice life and I finally did it on my own!! I don't care if dating is how I did it.
I started paying off my bills when I dated....Now, even with the help, it has been tough.
We finally decided that I needed to get back into the business, on a limited basis-I am going to do sensual massage and I do have extensive training in massage....but also keep thinking I wish I had the freedom to do what I wanted and feel limited with the no gfe rule.
Like I said, when I was dating I was proud of myself and that I was pulling myself out of debt and it was helping my legitimate career because money does wonders to pull you ahead. Anyway,I would like to hear from with thoughts or how they are dealing with a boyfriend while also dating or had to stop dating.... Thank-you much:)

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Emilie
Charter Member
216 posts		 11-Nov-04, 05:26 PM (PST)
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23. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #0
 
   My ex-boyfriends never knew I do this and I'd often feel misunderstood in my relationships because I couldn't share the truth about myself. But I just started dating somebody a few months ago and I told him within the frst week, at the first sign of hm getting excited over having a girlfriend. I thought, I am just not up for another round of lies, so I straight out told him, figuring if he didn't like it then both of us won't be wasting our time. Well, he didn't like it but accepted it after hearing out my reasons, and then confessed that he's been seeing girls from escort services once a week for over a year. Everything out in the open, up front and it feels good not to be lying for once.

As for telling friends and family, I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. I'm curious to know how oter girls' families have reacted.

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Nico_B
Member since 22-Sep-04
187 posts		 22-Feb-05, 05:16 PM (PST)
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24. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #0
 
   I am very open about it to my friends. My circle of friends and extended community is very open-minded so I feel safe to let them know. As far as relationships are concerned, I have a policy to always tell people right on the first date. I feel I owe this information to them for safe sex reasons but also because I want them to know right away who I am and what I do and give them a chance to jump off the train before things get emotionally involved. If they can't accept what I do I can't date them. I love what I do and I can't imagine to give it up for anybody.

I am fortunate to have found a boyfriend who is fine with what I do and who is very supportive. He doesn't enjoy hearing the "dirty details" but if I had a bad day he always lets me cry at his shoulder.

How and if I should break it to my family is a question I ponder almost daily. I am from Germany and visit my family and friends there once a year. My parents are very open-minded and I try to honor that by sharing everything about my (pretty unusual and kinky) lifestyle. When I got laid off from my job last year I told my mom on the phone that I am tired of office-jobs and that I am thinking about working as a Pro-Dom. She thought that was a great idea. She hasn't asked any questions since but keeps mentioning that she can't wait to see me when I visit in May to aks me a million questions. Now the problem is that I don't work as a Pro-Dom but as an Escort. How are my parents going to take that info and is it really a good idea to tell them? Wouldn't it be good enough to let them believe I am a Pro-Dom? They would be so much less worried.

What do you think? Is it fair to be honest if it causes the people I love to worry about my safety and well-being when a little lie, not too far from the truth would explain enough about my life-style to prevent further lies without stirring up to much fear and worry?

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need2
Charter Member
427 posts		 09-Mar-05, 04:12 PM (PST)
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25. "RE: Honesty with friends/family"
In response to message #24
 
   I have always believed in being honest with friends and family,but one of the situations where honesty may not be best is if you have a friend or family member who is older or not in the best of health.It has nothing to do with morals or others not agreeing with who you are.It is more about not wanting to make a loved one sick from worry.I started off reading this thread with the tell everyone attitude . Nicos post made me also see it from a different angle.Interesting topic.

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