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Reading Topic #225

sexxysamara
Member since 16-Jun-09
15 posts		 13-Jul-09, 08:05 AM (PST)
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"i'd like opinions please"
 
   LAST EDITED ON 13-Jul-09 AT 08:19 AM (PST)
 
first i've been on redbook for a while but never posted. i crave my discreet profile and have clients that i see regularly. no ad, nor do i care to be public. but i do have a question and think i would get much needed wisdom from the ladies here in the pinkbook.

i have a client with whom i've become very close over a period of time and i really do think i love the guy in many ways. and i want to be with him very much. i have trouble keeping him out of my mind when i wind my day down and have time to think on my own. i don't know how to manage this in my mind. providing is, to me very income focused and i keep my clients in a warm place but this is different. i want to have some kind of a relationship with him but i'm having trouble in my own mind allowing this to happen. forgeting to mentioin that i know its possible to have something important with a hobbiest and still keep my work disconnected from that.

can you ladies please help me?

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sexxysamara
Member since 16-Jun-09
15 posts		 14-Jul-09, 06:55 PM (PST)
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1. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #0
 
   anyone have thoughts? i'd sure appreciate them.

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SashaXrated
Member since 18-Oct-06
16 posts		 15-Jul-09, 07:53 AM (PST)
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2. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #0
 
It sounds like you both have been spending a lot of time together. Have you told him how you feel? Or has he been pursuing you?

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Shelly_SFCA
Member since 15-Jul-09
12 posts		 16-Jul-09, 03:46 PM (PST)
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3. "you know yourself best"
In response to message #2
 
   Didn't see an answer to Sasha's questions.

Bump.

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sexxysamara
Member since 16-Jun-09
15 posts		 16-Jul-09, 04:37 PM (PST)
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4. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #2
 
   thank you Sasha! we have been seeing quite a bit of each other actually and yes i tell him how i feel sometimes and he, in return tells me, but i have trouble separating my work and how i feel for him. he's a very special person who understands what i do and somehow isn't bothered by it at all which makes this hard to deal with. he is pursuing me yes, and it's been pretty heart wrenching for me to reconcile my work vs. letting go with and for him.

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purechocol8
Member since 20-Sep-04
8183 posts		 16-Jul-09, 05:01 PM (PST)
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5. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #4
 
If he's a client bad idea to fall for him. Take a break from him for a minute you need time to regroup, see other hobbyist then if you have those same feeling I guess go for it.

I maynot be for you, but I am for me

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Shelly_SFCA
Member since 15-Jul-09
12 posts		 16-Jul-09, 06:26 PM (PST)
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6. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #4
 
   Trying to read between the lines – you think you love him in many ways and want to be with him, you’ve told him he’s special (haven’t explicitly mentioned the “love” word from what I read, and a guy’s mind won’t connect the two) – but this is different, how?

How long have you known this guy? What does your inner voice tell you about him as a person? When you say “he’s special” what does that mean to you? To me, “special” is intelligent, treats me as a lady, communicative, stable, industrious yet laid back, thoughtful, fun, intimate, confident, and handsome (pretty much in that order too). Hey, if you’re having second thoughts about him and he fits my list, send him my way - nevermind… sorry. No, seriously, when a guy gets into my head and it’s happened a few rare times, I have been able to separate my work life from my “real” life and I’m sure you have that ability too. He must have been in therapy and worked on himself for our lifestyle not to bother him; a non-judgmental guy is an absolute rarity in any world and from a purely relational perspective, I’m envious!!

I hope I haven’t been asking you too many questions. They’re really “leading questions” which may help you as you consider the answers and I’m sure the rest of us could learn from your responses; isn’t that what PB is for? So, last questions, you wrote that he is “pursuing you”. In what sense does he do that? If you’ve seen him a number of times, he is pursuing you as a provider, right? What has he said that makes you believe he is not like the other 99% of the RB guys, married and cheating on his wife? I’m not an advice giver by nature and I trust your heart will lead you.

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sexxysamara
Member since 16-Jun-09
15 posts		 17-Jul-09, 07:20 PM (PST)
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7. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #6
 
   it's too late, i've already fallen for him. i've known him for several months now and he is all that you describe and has somehow or the other no signs of jealousy or envy of any kind. i'm not having second thoughts, i'm looking for other ideas from you ladies. what i'm having trouble with, i think, is letting myself go and allowing myself to really love the man. he has told me now that he loves me and what i felt was a sense of warmth and reciprocating feelings. i guess what i'm saying is that when we are together there is something that is altogether different from any other relationship i have now or have ever had. we seem to be complete soul mates. i can tell he will not ask me to stop working which is one of the things about him i appreciate since i value his wisdom and really love his complete dedication to me. i'm going to follow my heart. thank you.

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Shelly_SFCA
Member since 15-Jul-09
12 posts		 21-Jul-09, 09:00 AM (PST)
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8. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #7
 
   You must feel like the luckiest girl on RB! How wonderful for you to be able to work and know that the man you love will be there for you, working or off, and in a more special place than your normal clients. The whole issue of chemistry between us and some clients is amazing when it works well, not forced/faked, and even more amazing when it becomes a real relationship. Obviously when you spend time together, the time is spent on more than just the “bedroom activities”, right? It sounds like you two not only spend a lot of time together but you also do a lot of talking and talking about everything/anything. I miss that special look from THE ONE when I gaze into his eyes anywhere we happen to be, out to dinner, having a drink, or in the privacy of our room.

So, your question or issue is how to let yourself go and allow yourself to really love him? Nike said it best, “Just do it!”. I think you have somehow either done that or started down the path. Does he travel? If so, would he ask you to accompany him? Would you if he asked? Ask yourself, what does love mean to me and again, follow your heart…

I am surprised that few PB sisters have chimed in. Well, disappointed is how I really feel.

Off to work!

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ariahorny
Member since 16-Oct-09
90 posts		 23-Nov-09, 11:14 PM (PST)
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15. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #7
 
   aria horny

i know how you feel exactly,inbox me

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Nicole_Rose
Member since 23-Jan-09
296 posts		 11-Aug-09, 06:52 PM (PST)
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9. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #0
 
this is one of my fears


Don't Hate...Fornicate

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sexxysamara
Member since 16-Jun-09
15 posts		 05-Oct-09, 08:52 AM (PST)
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10. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #9
 
   update to my story. well, things have gone wrong, but not for the reasons you might think. the man is still there for me but another provider has come into my life and even though I don't know how it happened, my mind has been poisoned about this man. now I'm really being torn in a number of different directions. i know for a fact that he's there for me and will do anything for me. and again doesn't really even care much about my work as long as when we're together it's just us. now I really don't know what to do because I really care for him and I really trust him and his opinions.
help.

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805MassageBabe
Member since 6-Oct-07
2837 posts		 05-Oct-09, 04:52 PM (PST)
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11. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #10
 
   "the man is still there for me but another provider has come into my life and even though I don't know how it happened, my mind has been poisoned about this man. now I'm really being torn in a number of different directions. ..."

I think you'll need to elaborate a bit on this. If you trust the man, etc. how can someone feed you a story that has poisoned your mind about him? Does he call her for services or ?
Want to try to offer advice to you but not sure about what the problem is.

xoxo
MB

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sexxysamara
Member since 16-Jun-09
15 posts		 06-Oct-09, 07:39 AM (PST)
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13. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #11
 
   ok I'll try and tell you. like I said another provider came into my life and since I'm pretty new to all of this I started listening to her and began to believe the stories she tells me about men. but, I'm positive the man who is in my life is all the way in the relationship and I know he doesn't care about my career. I am pretty confused by all the horrible stories yet this man has done absolutely nothing to make me feel that he is anything but mine. so like I said my mind feels poisoned.
maybe that tells you enough?

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Katlara38
Member since 6-Aug-09
38 posts		 06-Oct-09, 11:52 AM (PST)
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14. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #13
 
Been there, done that...
I think that everyone of us sooner or later has experienced this or similar situations. I've been in the business for about 10 years on and off. After so long, I've learned a lot about men and the way they think.
IMO, if a man tells you, he doesn't care about you being a provider there might be different reasons that make it convenient for him not to care, for instance:

1. You are selfsuficient, meaning he doesn't have to provide 4 you.
2. You won't ask for donations(anymore).
3. He'll see you more and spend less (free sex).
4. He might end up getting "help" from you(financially speaking).
5. You might not demand financial help(bills, rent, groceries, etc).
These were just on the top of my head.

It is very difficult to figure out a man's real intentions, but what I could tell you is that you have to differ from a man who really cares about and for you and a man who's gonna benefit from "caring" about you(described above).

On the other hand, a man who really cares about/for you, might not give you donations, but he'll help you financially(must do), he's a gentleman, and eventually if the relationship works, he'd ask you to stop providing. Only time will figure this out!

Another things you want to take in consideration are What would you do in his place? How would you feel if he sees other providers? Is he offering some type of security(emotional, financial, intellectual, etc)?

Remember, sometimes "we" as providers lack emotional connection and intimacy, don't be deceived. Just my opinion....

Good luck!


Valeria

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luv2sxuup
Member since 7-Nov-07
89 posts		 21-Feb-10, 09:08 AM (PST)
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16. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #14
 
It is very difficult to figure out a man's real intentions, but what I could tell you is that you have to differ from a man who really cares about and for you and a man who's gonna benefit from "caring" about you(described above).

On the other hand, a man who really cares about/for you, might not give you donations, but he'll help you financially(must do), he's a gentleman, and eventually if the relationship works, he'd ask you to stop providing. Only time will figure this out!

Another things you want to take in consideration are What would you do in his place? How would you feel if he sees other providers? Is he offering some type of security(emotional, financial, intellectual, etc)?


I really like what you wrote, I have to agree. I always love when they say they don't mind what I do. It starts to bother me more then them. lol. I'd be mad that he was paying other providers and not paying me anymore. Not to many of these relationships work out.
GiNa Luv

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anniegirl
Member since 8-Mar-10
7 posts		 15-Mar-10, 10:31 AM (PST)
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18. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #14
 
I agree with what you say. This hits home with me. It just about killed me for my boyfriend to not mind what I do. He told me to stop, but didn't ever really question me when I started having income again. He never helped me. It's sort of true that the relationship we provide with them is convenient to them in terms of we can support ourselves and are self-sufficient. This is just me, but I think some of the other girls might feel the same. If I loved someone and I was a man, I could not share them with anyone. I would sacrifice anything to be with them. I would say no your not going to work and I will provide for you. The more I think about my own relationship with my boyfriend the more I realize he could have sold one of his 3 cars or forgo on one of his vacations he never took me on. Ask yourself why he is not taking bold steps to stop you from doing this so you two can dedicate your love for each other. Maybe i am just too much of a romantic. Goodluck

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lydialove_09
Member since 30-Aug-09
259 posts		 06-Oct-09, 00:06 AM (PST)
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12. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #0
 
Ive had the same exact thing happen to me...HOWEVER they say that it doesnt bother them now. But 6 months down the road they will be criticizing your every move, wondering what kinds of things you are doing/not doing on your dates...all kinds of crazy relationship things that end up coming up. Also, if you fall in love with someone...at least for me...I didnt want to share him. So I quit providing. But it ended tumultuously and now I am back..../

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frenchy69
Member since 12-Oct-09
19 posts		 15-Mar-10, 04:04 AM (PST)
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17. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #12
 
LAST EDITED ON 15-Mar-10 AT 04:18 AM (PST)
 
Of course it doesn't bother him now. He's making out! Sorry but DUH! Doesn't this make you feel the least bit used? In your heart you know what you have to do....if it is true love then taking your time will only make it better!!!!

RIGHT? Good luck!

Lady Bandit


Question: Is it healthy for a provider to become jealous or controlling

It seems providers would understand this problem so much more than a SO

guess i am wrong.

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TheRedVelvetMatches
Member since 9-Mar-10
25 posts		 21-Mar-10, 10:06 PM (PST)
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19. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #17
 
Don't mix clients and relationships. Put you feelings aside and be strong! You are an independent beauty. Don't let your feelings get in the way. Stay strong.

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luv2sxuup
Member since 7-Nov-07
89 posts		 01-Apr-10, 07:28 AM (PST)
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20. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #0
 
Be careful. There are some men out there that know just what to say so you fall for them. You end up getting hurt and there off to there next victim. This is there life. Been there. Sometimes you have to think is it to good to be true. Not saying this is the case but be careful thats all.

GiNa Luv

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Mylee_Love
Member since 16-Oct-09
308 posts		 18-Jun-10, 11:12 PM (PST)
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21. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #0
 
sorry to hear that... it will get better you can have a relationship just be honest with yourself.


XOXO

Mylee_Love

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rachelsonoma1
Member since 18-Jan-10
55 posts		 20-Jun-10, 12:29 PM (PST)
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22. "RE: i'd like opinions please"
In response to message #0
 
   It is a very important skill for any single person to evaluate a potential mate and decide how to proceed with the other person. People can hide parts of themselves for years. They want the relationship, so they show only their best qualities. A man who started out treating you like a princess changes. You find out that he is a lying, cheating douchbag. It seems to me that this is true no matter how you met the man.

I used to see little red flags popping up, but if a man had other things I liked, I would make excuses for him. Later on those flags became big, giant red flags. I realized that I could have avoided wasting emotional energy by taking the flags seriously.

No one is perfect. If a man has the important things you want, it is best to forgive him his imperfections. There are lots of fish in the sea, like Mom said, and there are some worthwhile ones. The worthwhile ones are honest and emotionally available.

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