LAST EDITED ON 31-Aug-10 AT 02:12 PM (PST)
Whichever lady above said "don't discuss your problems" that is EXCELLENT advice. Although what I said was to the point, I meant it. No one and I mean NO ONE has asked me those questions in YEARS because I do not project neediness. I project a very assertive, know-what-I-am-doing type attitude. I didn't even realize it till I read your post!I am going to explain with the statement below that I am not writing this to you specifically. I say this because in the past when I used to ask for advice, I used to HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT when other providers talked down to me. So please if it sounds like that, I do apologize. I hope the following is just general advice for everyone, not YOU in particular, o.k.? O.k.! Thanks!
So to start: Clients are FULL of stereotypical ideas of what our lives are like. I bet we could do a whole thread on that! I remember on guy asked me what drug or what I was addicted to. I was like wtf? He said he heard all women like us were drug addicts or alcoholics. Another one said he would date me (boy I was supposed to be excited by that!) because he heard NONE of us had boyfriends or husbands. When I told him the MAJORITY of my co-workers were in relationships he was stunned. Lol.
So one has to come from the place where one understands where ones clients are coming from. Possibly they see this line of work from a Western ethno-centric society that deems sex workers as devalued and degraded persons. They feel are not in control of our lives and not living a chosen lifestyle. If we are in a relationship with a man, they assume (as have the persons who have taken census polls in the past) that he is automatically a pimp.
I think it would be of value to all of us to do some reading about our life-style to understand the power-structure of our culture, how in this society it devalues us, whereas in other cultures and in other centuries, we were highly regarded and esteemed members of the community. In realizing OUR strength and value, we might feel more clear in how we see ourselves before we wish to answer anybody who has a confused judgment of our roles as a s.w.s
I book I very much recommend, is called The Comforts of Home, Prostitution in Colonial Nairobi by Luise White. University of Chicago Press, 1990.
This book is EXCELLENT. Luise explains how the past studies of sex workers were horribly slanted and biased (an example was the one I gave above, where any man found in a sex worker's home was sited as a "pimp" in surveys and that was all over the world.) The book explains how integrated s.w.'s were in Nairobi, how they were not only welcomed members of society, but important and highly regarded landowners as well.
So do some studying y'all, get empowered!!!
xoxo, Rose
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Gretchen
It's always Summer at my place! xoxo
